Author: admin

I grew up in the 80’s, where I went to an American school. We were very much taught about being independent – being able to handle our finances independently, being able to find our ways through a map, being able to speak a few basic words in other languages, being sensitive to different cultures, able to look after ourselves, etc etc. We spend so much money and time in a system that wants us to be able to look after ourselves because, “hey, its survival of the fittest.” But yet, the older we get, we feel this need to hover over others, and to try to look after them. Its so contradicting and damn right confusing. We want to create independent people but when they try to show us their wings, we hold them back with our guilt or emotions or other little things that can make someone feel really bad for wanting to look after themselves.

Why are we so scared to have our kids go away from us? Little bit of a cultural snippet – in our culture it is somewhat expected that when a girl gets married, she will move away and have a full other family to look after. It is sort of drilled into our heads when we are born. So we try to raise our girls with the idea that we may not always be around to look after them. But its a completely different game with boys. They haven’t been told this when they were young.

It is a huge issue in our society now a days – and where we used to believe its the children that are so overdependent on the adults, and that they really can’t do anything without us, its more likely the other way round. You feel more and more dependent on your family the older you get. Maybe its this little cozy nest you have created, or that feeling that you don’t want to be alone, or maybe you just haven’t spent enough time with yourself to understand the true beauty of being alone, but something in others don’t like the idea of saying goodbye to their kids.

All I can say is, if you truly have raised your kids right, and if they really can survive without your guidance, then really, you have done a GREAT job. Creating independent people should be celebrated, and its not something to be afraid of.

So when we keep it in the back of our mind that if they are independent its more a thing to be proud of rather than something to be feared, then we really will start becoming Independent Elders rather than Overdependent Old Folk.

What do you do when there is someone in your life who hurts you over and over and over again? And it is not because you are dumb, or naive, and it doesn’t have to do with the fact that you are a pushover. You look at your situation and you keep thinking why does this same bullshit keep happening to me?

Well honey, I am so sorry to tell you that you are responsible for this sort of situation. Because while you cannot change the situation you are in, you can certainly chose your reaction to the situation.

That is the funny thing about karma.

You have this running account happening when you are alive with everyone you meet – this account can be from past lives (if you believe in it), or from this life. You have to settle these debts because hey, you cannot owe anyone anything at the end of the day. And until you don’t realize that this is a debt that needs to be settled, you will not be able to come out of the situation. These debts can come in different forms and can be owed to different individuals – they can come as ideas that need to be broken (debts you owe to yourself), or hearts that you need to mend (debts to individuals), or lessons that you need to learn (debts to society).

For example, you are someone who feels like family is everything and that the family name matters most. Well until you don’t realize that this is not in your control, you will keep facing situations where you cannot be in control of your family or their matters. Eg. You are someone who is hell bent on meeting a certain kind of guy (or controlling your child to be with a certain kind of person). You are so crazy about this “rule” that you will not accept anything else. You go a step further by slaying those that do not agree with your rule (friends, family, strangers), where they become an object of your ridicule. Suddenly, when your child is ready to get married, you see that they have already done so with the kind of guy that you really loathed.

Or in my own life, I have a debt to settle with someone who hasn’t been the kindest to me. Before I would always sit and cry that I was in this situation. It only made it worse, I would pick on the tiniest of details that would bring me down. Until one day, I just said now there is no way I can stop this cycle unless I just say forgive forgive and forgive. I have never been happier and our relationship has never been better – because those little things just don’t matter anymore to me. On the other hand, if I broke the relationship, I guarantee you, there would be another person coming into your life to give you this kind of grief. As far away as you would run from this one person, you would get slapped by a similar situation (maybe not now, but in 5 or 10 or maybe even 20 years).

Coming back to what I was saying, it doesn’t mean I’m a pushover, it just means I cannot go down this cycle of hate, and hey, I don’t want to deal with this for the rest of my life.

So let’s forgive, forget, and be flexible to learn those lessons. It truly is easier than to keep going down the vicious karmic cycle – our time is short here, let’s live it with happiness.

Lately I have been seeing so many messages and quotes about self worth and how we should always put ourselves first and if people don’t want to bother with us, then why should we them? For example, I read a quote like “sometimes you have to give up on people, not because you don’t care, but because they don’t”.
I just want to say, WHAT IS THAT ABOUT? Since when has it been okay to just stop talking to someone who is going through a rough time? I’m not asking you sit at their door step and keep knocking till they answer, but haven’t we heard about a little something called “not giving up on someone?”
Let me tell you a story. There was a poor man. He didn’t want to ask for any help with money. He was such a man with a huge ego. So he suffered all by himself, not allowing his family to even have enough food on the table. What we all didn’t know was that he was a son of a multimillionaire. His father was walking on the roads and saw this poor man, and ready to explode at this unknown man who was touching his shirt and begging for money, he saw that it was his own son. “SON”, he said, “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?” The son, so ashamed, said that he had lost all his money in a bad deal. The father offered to take him in, but the son refused. How could he let his father take care of him? He was a grown man after all. Every day the father would drive by just to get a glimpse of his son. The son would ignore him because he was embarrassed and ashamed to be in the position he was in. In this situation, there are two people who are suffering. It is not only the son, but the father too, for having to see his son in this situation is heartbreaking. One day, the father drove by and said “I won’t give you any money, but I will set you up in an office with a salary.” The son, who never wanted to take anything from his father, finally gave in, because after a while, we all get tired from pushing people away. And also, because it was going to help him and it was a solution that aligned with his values.
So why do we have to run away from anyone who is willing to help us? And if we are as strong as we say we are, can’t we withstand another persons crap because we love them so? As long as they aren’t physically abusing or mentally abusing us, we can keep trying with them. We are that strong, and we don’t need to make ourselves weak by thinking that we are too good for this. We keep trying because we love someone, and we keep doing our best because that is what we want to always do.
God never gave up on anyone. Not even Judas, when he betrayed Jesus. So if we are trying to live an ideal life, then we don’t need to give up on anyone who we feel doesn’t deserve our love. In fact, maybe that is all they need. A little bit of love to make them feel worthy.
In a head full of thoughts, we don’t know what another person is going through. So we should just be us and believe in the best. And maybe those around us will also feel our love and be able to pick themselves up from it. We just may be their strength.

Treat others how you want to be treated. We have heard this from the moment we are born. It is one of the golden rules, one that is spoken about it almost all faiths, one that we can fully comprehend and understand.

But, do we really understand this?

What this means is that no matter what the circumstance is, you always treat others how you would like them to treat you. This basically means that no matter how anyone treats you, you should still live by this rule.

There was a lady sitting at the park. She was a kind lady, and she lived by this rule. Another woman came up to her, looked at her, and slapped her real hard. She was in shock. She was a human being. And yes, she also had a temper.

What would you do in this situation? You don’t have the time to figure out why you were slapped by a stranger. You want to fight back, you want to attack. How dare can someone come up to you and just slap you on the face?

But remember, the rule. This golden rule. You would never have wanted to get slapped, so why would you retaliate back even though the other person does deserve it? They have treated you poorly so maybe they want to be poorly treated – yes this is true. But this life has to do with YOU. Not others. So you look at the lady, and you turn the other cheek. The woman cools down instantly. Your calm nature has now made her calm. And then you can hash it out like adults.

A lot of the time, we feel we need to behave a certain way to get things done, but if anyone would do those things to you, you would be heartbroken.

I have a friend who is truly a very sweet girl. Well, she was so rude to me, she would go out of her way to make my life hell. After a while, I kind of got fed up, and started behaving like her. All it did was make us both miserable. We fell down the rabbit hole, and there was no climbing back up. I always wonder, if I had just been the bigger person, and just tolerated her behavior, maybe things would be different and our relationship could be salvaged? It hurts to keep letting people hurt you, but it hurts more when you ruin a relationship that could be so important to you one day.

We have to live this life with no regrets so lets be the best version of ourselves.

Death – it is such a difficult thing to deal with. Loss of friends, parents, children, relatives – we have all experienced the death of someone in our lives. I always wondered why some of us are taken so young, or why there is so much suffering in those that are much older than us?

1000 years ago, when someone was sick, they were just left to die. Whether it was cancer, or a genetic disease, we didn’t have the tools or the medication to diagnose or to help the person live a comfortable life.

Now, we have all those tools to diagnose and to help us, but still, the suffering is so much more. We are so busy trying to fight for our lives, for more years on the clock, for a more comfortable life, but is it all really worth it?

Someone once tried to explain death to me by telling me that when you have fulfilled your role on this earth, then your body will be free to go. And sometimes, we cling on to people so hard, that instead of allowing them to be free of pain and suffering, we put so much pressure on them to stay in this world. And they do it for us. They suffer more for us. That is essentially what love is.

So when dealing with death, we should be grateful. Grateful for the years they gave us, grateful for the time we shared, and grateful for their lessons they have taught us.

I had a friend when I was 16 who got hit by a driver whilst riding a bicycle. I would go to the hospital every few days to go visit him, he was in the ICU hooked on life support. We sat and prayed and hoped that he would wake up, even though there was little to no activity in his brain. We knew all this, but hey, miracles happen. We waited for a good month, but there was no change. Then it was time to decide whether or not we wanted him to suffer like this on machines. Because trust me, they are suffering when they are on the machines, they say they don’t know anything because they are brain dead but their souls are in limbo, watching over how their bodies are being poked and prodded. Our soul is watching as it goes beyond the body.

The most remarkable thing happened when we decided to let him go. When we took him off the machines, his markers on the machine spiked a little bit, its as if he knew he was going to go. Finally, he was gone.

I questioned why I had to witness something like this, or why his parents would have to go through  loss of a child. And then I thought about what he had done whilst he was with us. He was a beautiful person, highly misunderstood at our school, but he made a life for himself, he had a beautiful girlfriend, and he was happy. His parents learned from the experience too. We don’t take people around us for granted, no matter their shortcomings.

Recently we had our beloved grandmother pass on. She had been diagnosed with dementia for the last 7 years, but I truly believe she knew exactly what was happening, maybe not in her superficial consciousness, but her deep consciousness. She absorbed everything around her, even though she didn’t know how to react. Kind of like a baby who can see but can’t explain or articulate or imitate. Hence, if they are suffering, we cannot see that side of them. They just push on through for us, because we need them to, even if they don’t want to. But we are heart broken when they are gone. This is only just human nature.

Unfortunately there is only so much we can do when it comes to death. Eventually we all have to go. And there will really be a time when the clock has struck out. But what we can do is just be grateful for the time we had with the person, a thousand years ago, this may not have been the case. And the only way these people so close to us can live on is by remembering their lessons and their purpose on this earth and how it can make us better.

I am who I am, and nothing can change that. We grow up with a certain ideology about life, with certain values, with a set of rules that we would never break for anyone. This rigidity is what defines us… or so we think. This kind of thinking is more self destructive more than anything else.
I know a man, he’s a kind man, a great catch. He has everything you would possibly want in a man. He met a girl, a long time ago, they fell in love. Now, we come into relationships with certain values – if we are hindu, we won’t eat beef, if we are muslim we won’t eat pork, and so on. These set of values are exposed to our partners from the day we meet.
So this guy and girl, they fight endlessly because they just don’t understand what has changed in the last 10 years of them knowing each other. I mean, if we start into a relationship with certain ideas, those ideas may not change, but they may change too right? They were made very clear, but still, there seems to be an element of surprise.
Well, there are some things that will never change about a person – their age, ethnicity, previous life experiences, family, etc. These things are permanent. Those other ideas, well, they will always change. These things are fluid. You can say that you started off with these ideologies about how you were going to be independent, how you weren’t going to ever drive a motorcycle, how you would never degrade yourself and take that job, but when push comes to shove or with time, you CAN change.This is a truth we must all accept.
Unfortunately, we live in a time where if our ideologies change, we are blamed. “This is not who you were, this is not what you used to say, etc. I never thought you could ever do something like this”. We have all heard it. Whether it is from our partners, parents, or friends. We have been questioned at one point.
The only way we can overcome this idea of us not wanting to change is to embrace the fact that we are fluid. Let us be honest, we are made predominantly of fluid, that needs to exude into our character. It is built in. We should be so fluid that whether we are boiled or frozen, we will still exist – whether it be in the form of steam, or ice. We are still there.
We must accept that things will change and people around us will change. We must accept that we will also change. But the only person we will hurt is ourselves if we blame others for changing.

I used to be a glass half empty kinda girl. If I am being completely honest, I still can be a bit of a pessimist sometimes. I have just always felt that it prepares me better for anything that may go wrong.

My husband, on the other hand, is a true optimist. He will never say, “What if?” He may not always agree with others’ plans, but when he is in it, he will look at the eye of the storm, and will say “Come and get me.” He always looks for a solution, he doesn’t believe in dwelling on the problem, he has no issues with anyone or drifted relationships and he has no expectations.

Very honestly, it used to be so annoying; someone could literally spit on my face and he would still say, “maybe they were just having a bad day.” I would get so frustrated that he always had an excuse for everyone. But then, I noticed a beauty to it. No issues, no expectations, no feelings of hurt, and no negativity.

It is an exhausting practice – being so optimistic. Trying to empathise with everyone, even though they may not fully deserve our understanding. But when you force yourself to only look at the good, you will only give others your “good” too. Since the, the world has been so much more beautiful. There is so much love and light everywhere. And nothing surprises me. Nothing hurts me. That is the best part.

There will be those that don’t understand. Someone once told me, “you really don’t care – these people have never made an effort with you but you still treat them the same.” Why should I treat them any different? I vibrate at a higher frequency than them. I cannot expect them to understand.

Isn’t that such a wonderful thing? To vibrate higher, to achieve more, to be better?

Force yourself. Force yourself to be positive. Force yourself to be optimistic. Be so overbearing, that your negativity crawls into a corner and shrivels up into nothing. Look at the eye of the storm and say, “Come and get me.” Everything will fall into place. Try it, just once, and see the changes that immediately happen in your relationships and in your life.

 

Choices. There are just too many choices now a days. You can be an athiest, monotheistic, just spiritual, or you can say you are a hindu, muslim, buddhist, taoist, sikh, christian, and the list goes on. If you aren’t happy with one, well you can find another that suits you. That is the way the world is now – that is the way the world works. Not only with religion and spirituality, but also with partners, friends, family members, clothes, schools, electronics, toys, and on and on. “Try everything once,” someone told me. “Just once. You may never know what you may learn or what you may like.”

Well, maybe 20 years ago, your husband/boyfriend would have told you that you had to do something, and you would do it. But now, to hell with you, I only do what I want.

So let us look at us nowadays. We are increasingly inflexible, inconsiderate, intolerant and impatient. If we don’t get it this way, we will try it that way, and if you aren’t willing to do it my way, then please, there’s the highway. There is nothing wrong with this. It just means that you are really ready to just go after what YOU want – and hey, that was never a bad thing. We are born in an era where we are told we CAN chase our dreams, and follow our ambitions.

So despite all these choices and these highly evolved attributes of ours, why are we still such an UNHAPPY GENERATION?

I am writing this blog first and foremost to help myself figure out the answers that I have been searching for all these years. Why do certain things only happen to me? Why am I put in situations that I just don’t want to be in? Because from what I have seen, we can run, but baby, we can’t hide. We run so fast, our legs actually hurt. Our heart actually aches in certain situations. We feel our soul cry. But, if it was so easy, we would just jump out of those situations – but that isn’t so easy to do.

Have you ever noticed, you may be having the same feeling in your heart over an over again? Whether it is an insecurity, or a situation, you have felt this on more than one occasion in your life.

Life – it always catches up with us – someway or the other. No matter what alternatives we try to pick for our solutions, we are put in the same situation over and over again.

So let’s go on a journey together, to help ourselves be better, to be truly happy, and to live life on our terms – but to do all these things better than we already are.