I grew up in the 80’s, where I went to an American school. We were very much taught about being independent – being able to handle our finances independently, being able to find our ways through a map, being able to speak a few basic words in other languages, being sensitive to different cultures, able to look after ourselves, etc etc. We spend so much money and time in a system that wants us to be able to look after ourselves because, “hey, its survival of the fittest.” But yet, the older we get, we feel this need to hover over others, and to try to look after them. Its so contradicting and damn right confusing. We want to create independent people but when they try to show us their wings, we hold them back with our guilt or emotions or other little things that can make someone feel really bad for wanting to look after themselves.
Why are we so scared to have our kids go away from us? Little bit of a cultural snippet – in our culture it is somewhat expected that when a girl gets married, she will move away and have a full other family to look after. It is sort of drilled into our heads when we are born. So we try to raise our girls with the idea that we may not always be around to look after them. But its a completely different game with boys. They haven’t been told this when they were young.
It is a huge issue in our society now a days – and where we used to believe its the children that are so overdependent on the adults, and that they really can’t do anything without us, its more likely the other way round. You feel more and more dependent on your family the older you get. Maybe its this little cozy nest you have created, or that feeling that you don’t want to be alone, or maybe you just haven’t spent enough time with yourself to understand the true beauty of being alone, but something in others don’t like the idea of saying goodbye to their kids.
All I can say is, if you truly have raised your kids right, and if they really can survive without your guidance, then really, you have done a GREAT job. Creating independent people should be celebrated, and its not something to be afraid of.
So when we keep it in the back of our mind that if they are independent its more a thing to be proud of rather than something to be feared, then we really will start becoming Independent Elders rather than Overdependent Old Folk.